Okay, guys. Time to talk about women. Can’t live without them, can’t kill them….right? Just kidding. I am talking about my own kind after all. So here’s the lowdown on those soft, mysterious, infuriating creatures.
Women and men are COMPLETELY different. From different planets actually, if you recall the book. So if you are going through life treating her the way you would like to be treated, then you are going about it all wrong. Just because that makes you happy DOES NOT mean it will make her happy as well.
Now, I realize that you may think it’s hopeless, especially if you have a high maintenance girl on your hands. But it is really easier than you probably think.
Here’s the secret that really shouldn’t be a secret. Are you ready for it? Here goes….
Women have THREE NEEDS in order to be happy. Yes, just three. (Besides love, of course!)
That’s it. So let’s look at each one and see what you can do to make yourself her hero.
What makes her feel loved is not the same as you. She needs to spend quality time with you. Please do not confuse this with quantity. Just because you are in the same house or even the same room – that does not mean her need for time has been fulfilled. And you should feel flattered by that. She values time with you more than any other person on the planet, and that’s a complement to you.
Quality time for her means connecting with you on some level. Maybe it is watching a movie together that you BOTH want to see or sharing a great meal with the cell phones turned off. I like it when my husband talks to me while I’m taking a bubble bath. At a time when he would have complete control of the television remote control, he would actually rather spend that time talking to me. Love that!
I believe it is important to have two types of time together -talking time and quiet time.
Talking time is important because you need to stay up to date on each other’s lives. When couples stop talking is usually when they start growing apart. The best way I have found to keep this from happening is to schedule 20 minutes each day for catch up. This can be when you both walk through the door after work each day. If you have children it might be better to schedule it later after the kids are in bed. The key is to always have it at the same time each day. Make it a habit like brushing your teeth. I know it is difficult to schedule yet another thing into your busy day, but the benefits will be astounding.
Use the 20 minute block well. Have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. Then just sit down and talk about your day. Both of you should get a turn to talk about things that have happened to you. You will actually be pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable this can be (yes, even guys learn to love it) and it will give her something to look forward to. She will know that she will have your undivided attention each and every day, and even though it seems like a small thing to you it will make a huge difference in her life.
Just as you need to learn to talk to each other on a regular basis, you also need to learn to be quiet together. If being quiet and alone with your girl makes you nervous then this is what you should do. Run a big bubble bath and then get in with her. If complete silence drives you crazy, then turn on some low, soft music. Then just be quiet. Don’t talk about the bills, errands that need to done, taking the dog to the vet, etc. She will completely love it and you will get major points!
Most men seem to have the biggest problem with this. It’s not that men don’t want to be romantic, they just often don’t know what to do. If you refer to the Points Calendar page, it contains a list of 50 things you can do to get you started. It really doesn’t take that much to make most women happy. The fact that you go out of your way to think of her and do anything at all will probably thrill her.
Find a great snapshot of the two of you and put it in a pretty frame. Then bring it home with a rose. She will go wild. Tell her you will clean up the kitchen after dinner, then lead her to the sofa. Bring her the remote control and a blanket to snuggle up with. The more you do for her, the more attached she will become to you. It’s a win/win situation for both of you.
This encompasses feeling secure in every facet of her life – financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Even though she may work and help bring in money to the household, she needs to feel like you will help to manage the money in an appropriate way that benefits the future of both of you. If you make selfish, large purchases without consulting her or overspend in any way (you know if you do these things or not), then she may feel insecure in this area.
On the other side of the coin, if she has an overspending problem she needs you to help her get control of it. Deep down she wants you to meet her needs, and in this case she needs you to help her get control of her own financial future.
Go to financial counseling for one or both of you if needed. Don’t be afraid of getting outside help. Sometimes a neutral party is all you need to get things in perspective. (And REAL men seek out help when they need it.)
Don’t ever, ever, ever make her feel like anyone else on the planet is prettier/thinner/more interesting/smarter than her. Ever, ever, ever! If Jennifer Lopez has a better behind than her, believe me, she already knows it. And she doesn’t need you to point it out. If you are not sure what might be the wrong thing to say, just don’t comment on other women at all. This is especially true if she is touchy about such things.
Let her know that you love and value her regularly. Send her a text, leave her a voice mail, hide a little note for her, send flowers to her workplace, etc. Get creative with it. Look up “romantic poems” on the internet and copy one down for her in a card. It will only take a few minutes, but it will make her day.
The main idea here is to always make her feel like you are ON HER SIDE. No matter what.
This is closely tied in with the emotional component, but with a twist. You want to praise and point out her strengths and abilities to let her know that you are proud of her. Always be sure to speak positively about her in front of friends and family. Save any criticism for your alone time.
Making her feel less than respected in front of others will totally crush her spirit, and she will move away from you mentally (and emotionally). This can only lead to bad things down the road.
Even though we are no longer living in caveman days, there are still real dangers out there so your girl needs protection. She needs to know you will defend her, no matter what. I am from the South where guys tend to be a little rough, which is fine with me. My very large husband has never had to actually fight anyone to protect me, but it thrills me to no end just to know that he would if he needed to. What can I say, we haven’t evolved that far.
So let her know that you’ve got her back every minute of every day. You want to be mutually dependent on each other (to a healthy degree), and this is one more thing that will endure her to you.
Each relationship is unique, so take the above information and mold it to fit your situation. If you make any extra effort at all above your normal level, I promise your girl will notice!
If you have recently suffered a break up or divorce and want to get your girl back, please visit The Magic of Making Up.
Hope this article is helpful to you. Please feel free to leave feedback.
Now, go show your girl some love!