Today was the worst day at work ever. Nothing went right. You have been on your feet all day, your computer locked up, and you heard rumors of a big layoff. All you want to do is go home and forget about all your problems. Nothing sounds better than your recliner and some TV.
You finally make it through the front door and you are SO very happy to be there. Ah, some peace and quiet. Then it all goes away, just like that. She immediately starts to tell you every tiny, minute detail of her day – right down to how she chipped her nail polish.
You simply cannot listen to ANYONE talk right now. Your head may explode if you have to converse about anything. You silently hope will decide to call friend, her mother, anyone. You automatically go into defense mode and start thinking about something else….then it happens. She is standing there looking at you expectantly when you realize she has asked you something important and is patiently waiting for your reply. You suddenly realize you are in big trouble because you are caught…..she knows you tuned her out and were not listening.
How NOT To Be In the Doghouse…..
Here is what you do. Admit you were not listening to her and ask for forgiveness. Try to do better the next time it happens.
This is probably not the response you were expecting, but here is the reality of the situation. When she no longer cares enough to share her day with you….buddy, you are no longer her top priority. In case you are wondering, that is bad. She wants to share her whole life with you, right down to the mundane details. When she is no longer interested in telling you about her day, she is no longer interested in YOU.
You need a plan to change this vicious cycle. Ten minutes a day can make all the difference in your relationship. So here is what you do. Set aside 10 minutes a day to really connect. This can be the first 10 minutes after you arrive home or it can be after you have had time to unwind for 10 minutes on your own. She will respect your need to unwind if you always give her the next 10 minutes.
Make this a great time for both of you. Have a glass of wine or some coffee. Try to eliminate all distractions if possible. In time you will learn to appreciate this block of time and look forward to it the same as her.
Remember, most women want to be treated like a princess, and since most men want to be a hero…..well, this is your chance to accomplish both things at once. Treat her like a princess and you will always be her hero. Your marriage will get better and better.
If your marriage has gone south and you need a plan to get your ex back, please see The Magic of Making Up.
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by Angela Christian Pope aka Angela Monahan @ ModernRelationship.org