So, your wife wants a divorce and you don’t. Where does that leave you? Not in a happy situation.
Maybe she will not talk to you about reconciliation, or worse – she is already dating someone else.
You are not ready to throw away your marriage. Maybe there are children involved. Maybe even pets. This is destroying the lives of more than just two people.
The thought of not seeing her every day is killing you inside. Thinking of her with someone else makes you cringe.
There are specific steps you can take to help you get a dialogue going with your wife. Each situation is different, but the following steps will help you get the best results possible.
1. Back Off
Tell her you that you both need some time to think. If she has been avoiding you, she probably thinks you will chase her. Don’t act too desperate. You lived before you met her, and you will go on living if you don’t get her back. It will change her attitude toward you if you calm down and show some independence. Give her some space and don’t be clingy.
If she will not answer your calls, then leave her this message or send her a text. (Just literally say, “We both need some time to think.”) Then, DO NOT contact her for a week or two. (Don’t worry about what she is doing during this time because you have no control over it anyway.)
2. Be Honest
She will likely be more open to talking when you seem to go on with your life without her. Someone just out of reach is always more attractive. This is the time to play it cool and not give her a guilt trip or play on her sympathy. Instead, be honest about things that hindered your marriage in the past and present. Don’t avoid subjects or deny things that you did.
3. Be Willing To Forgive
Along with all this honesty may come some things that you find unpleasant. This might be things she has said or done. Or it might be things she points out about you. Remember, the ultimate goal is to save the marriage, not point fingers. Forgive her if you want forgiveness for yourself.
4. Don’t Play the Kids (Or Anyone Else) Against Her
If you have children, you never, ever want to use them against her. This only hurts everyone involved, most of all the children. Don’t talk to them AT ALL about the situation. Just assure them that both of you love them and that everything will be okay, then leave it at that.
Use the same approach with anyone else you know. If you get back together, it will be very difficult if you have aired all your dirty laundry to the world, not to mention embarrassing. It’s great to have one or more close friends you can confide in, but don’t tell all your friends.
Keep your dignity in place and show her respect, even if she does not do the same for you.
5. Use the 10/10 List
This is a great instrument to help get things under control and out in the open. Each of you take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side write down the 10 things you love best about her. One the other side write down the 10 things that drive you crazy. Have her do the same. Most women will jump at the opportunity to do this and get things off their chest.
You will both be amazed at what comes to light with this simple exercise.
6. Get a New Hobby
What does this have to do with your wife? Everything! An innovative, dynamic person is attractive and exciting. Show her you are just as interesting as any other guy out there. She will see you in a new light. This will also keep your mind occupied and introduce you to some new friends to help fill your time.
7. Find a Good Bible-Based Church
Something about attending church together tends to bring couples closer together. There are also many activities designed for couples and families in most churches that encourage wholesome family ties. You also get free couples and/or family counseling in a lot of churches. If you pick a church that is not right for you, then try another. Don’t give up.
If she will not go with you, don’t let that stop you. Again, this will help you on many levels, including meeting new people.
Most relationships can be saved if both people truly love each other. The more years you have invested, the more important it is to save your marriage. If you keep your cool and use your head, it is possible to work most situations out.
Now, get in there and get her back. You can do it!
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Thanks a bunch!
by Angela Christian Pope aka Angela Monahan @ ModernRelationship.org