Want to know how to reconcile with your ex? There are specific things that will help you get them back. Using reverse psychology and knowing a little about human nature will be the tools you need. There’s not a lot you have to know to make this work, and it doesn’t usually take very long to turn things around in your favor.
If you want to skip this article, you can go straight to a comprehensive plan on how to reconcile with your ex.
Now, everyone plays games a little when dating, so you shouldn’t feel bad or deceitful when you plan your attack. We all size up the other person and hold back a little here and there. It is important to know what the other person brings to the table and what they can offer in return for your commitment to the relationship.
This is no different. You have broken up at this point and attempting to start over – this is essentially a new relationship. (If you have broken up, things will be different in your relationship when you get back together now.) So at this point, you need to reassess each other, right?
You are obviously not in control of the situation at this point, and what you want right now is to gain at least some level of control. So here’s what you need to know…..
You are going to act indifferent to the break up.
Act like it doesn’t bother you at all. In fact, it’s best to say that it was a good thing after all. You are happy it happened. You see things more clearly now and it was best for both of you.
Now, I know you are probably freaking out and thinking this is the opposite of what you want to do, but think about it…..
Everyone wants what they can’t have, right? So when you are suddenly unavailable it will drive him/her crazy.
You will be just out of reach, but not so far they can’t get you again.
This reverse psychology trick really works (just like with children, because we never really grow up). Now, here is the checklist to go with the above action.
(Stay with me here. This isn’t as scary as it sounds.)
1. Don’t Be Clingy
Don’t call them, follow them, show up where they are, ask friends/family about them, etc. Don’t threaten to kill yourself (usually makes them want away from you even more because they can view you as too needy).
You are a strong, independent person and you need to show it. (If you are not strong and independent, then here is a resource to help you recreate yourself that way: The Ultimate Self-Esteem Formula From Dr. Joe Rubino.)
You must stand on your own two feet and take care of yourself. Don’t depend on someone else to do it for you. This is a good lesson whether you are suffering a break up or not. This will automatically make you more attractive to your ex. (Independence is sexy!)
2. Don’t Have Any Type of Sexual Contact With Them
This totally complicates everything for both of you. It also makes you feel like a doormat inside and makes you look like one to them too. This advice goes for both men and women, so guys don’t think you are off the hook. Keep it simple as possible while you are fixing the issues.
Physical contact releases all the chemicals in your body that will only confuse you. You need to think with your head right now, not your heart. And you need to realize when you are being used or appreciated. There’s a huge difference.
With these new self-esteem you have gotten for yourself, you will also have a brand new opinion of yourself. And you don’t want to take accept any treatment that is not respectful and loving.
Trust me. This will only foster more respect for you from your ex partner. They will see you in a brand new light.
3. Be Busy All the Time
A busy, vivacious person is always attractive to the opposite sex, so don’t just sit at home waiting for something to happen. Get out with your friends, take up some new hobbies, go on vacation, anything to fill up your time and your mind. This will also drive your ex crazy wondering what you are doing and how you got over them so easily. That will instantly make you look more attractive to them.
Also, don’t grab the phone every time they call. Let it go to voice mail sometimes. When you are ready to return the call, don’t do it immediately, and ALWAYS be the one to end the call. At this point, you will be tempted to talk to them for hours if they are willing, but you want to end the call after a few minutes instead.
I know this looks like playing games, but it is really just a tool to show your ex that you are a valuable person. Your time is valuable, your attention is valuable, and your love is valuable. This will usually make them realize that you are something worth keeping and cherishing.
4. When They Are Ready To Talk, Don’t Drop Everything
So everything above has started to impact your relationship and now they are ready to talk about getting back together. You suddenly feel elated because you think the break up is over and your life is back to normal.
But wait…..don’t drop everything and go back to all your old ways. Things will automatically revert to the way they were before the break up and your significant other will probably leave again. Don’t allow that old rut to develop again.
You need to start dating again….at the beginning….like a new relationship, because that’s essentially what this is. No sex….period. You have to hook this person again, just like you did at the beginning of the relationship. Get them invested in you again.
Also, don’t drop your friends and all your new interests. Your friends have helped get you through these hard times, so don’t drop them now that your ex is back. (I know a lot of people who have done this and it’s bad all the way around – especially if you ever break up again. You need that support from your friends.)
Set aside time to spend with your friends (at least some of it should be without the significant other). Keep up your new hobbies and interests as well. Remember, a dynamic, interesting person is VERY attractive. And you want your ex to be interested in you for a lifetime, not just right now.
You want to be a well rounded person. This will make you happier, which will result in a a happier relationship for you.
Need exact steps? Visit The Magic of Making Up for a comprehensive plan.
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by Angela Christian Pope aka Angela Monahan @ ModernRelationship.org