When trying to decide How To Reconcile With Your Ex you might be tempted to make a few common mistakes. Humans by nature want to form attachments to others and be close to those whom we love. This is what secures the longevity of the human race. However, these same innate urges can also work against us when our emotions completely take over our actions.

If you are reading this article, then you are obviously suffering from a break up with someone you love. This is the time that you need a clear head, but it is the most difficult time in your life to think straight. I understand because I have been there – we all have at one time or other.

Here are some practical steps that will show you how to reconcile with your ex.

1. Back Off

I know this sounds counterproductive, but please here me out. If your partner wants the break up, then being too clingy will make them want away from you even more. At this point their brain is set on “break up” mode, and they are unconsciously looking for any information to reinforce the fact that they are doing the right thing. The best thing right now is to let things cool off a little bit. That doesn’t mean you have to lose touch completely, just don’t overwhelm them with calls, emails, text messages, etc.

2. Ask For a Face To Face Meeting

You may or may not be on speaking terms at this point. However, if you ask your ex to sit down with you and talk, most of the time it will work. If it doesn’t, then try this little spin on it. Don’t tell that YOU want to talk. Instead, tell them that you want to hear what THEY have to say. This will work almost every single time. People want to be heard and understood, especially if they feel wronged, so use that to your advantage.

3. Use Your Best Listening Skills                                                                               

When you get this sit down meeting, keep your cool. Don’t get angry or start begging them to take you back. Sit back and really listen to what they are saying without judging them in any way. Remember, the two of you don’t share a brain, so each of you may interpret events differently. That’s okay. It’s not about who is right, it’s about finding a solution.

After they have everything off their chest, then it’s your turn to present your case. At this point you will be in a position to clarify things your partner thinks about you and/or your relationship.

4. Make a 10/10 List

This is one of the most useful tools I have ever seen and it is absolutely free! You simply draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper. This will give you two columns. Then you number each column to ten. At the top of one column write “Top Ten Things I Love About My Partner”. Then write “Top Ten Things That Drive Me Crazy About My Partner”.

Don’t be mean, but be completely honest. You will be surprised at the things you will learn about each other if you do this simple exercise.

5. Take It Slowly

Hopefully, you will have made some progress by this point, which is great. But this is the time to be most careful. Lots of couples try to jump right back in to the relationship before things have been fixed, and this usually leads to both partners reverting to their old ways. You can guess what the end result can be.

Instead, you want to date again. Sounds silly, but exciting, huh? Your relationship was troubled before, so you are literally building a new one based on everything you have learned from each other. You don’t want to repeat the same mistakes and fall into the same rut again. Let thing progress at a rate that works for both of you.

If you need a more detailed plan to get your ex back, please visit The Magic of Making Up.

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Thanks a bunch!

by Angela Christian Pope aka Angela Monahan @ ModernRelationship.org