Desperately Need To Pull You Ex Back To You?
Love can pull your ex back to you, but it sometimes takes a little more than just love alone. People break up for numerous reasons – too many to count here, but most break ups have the same root cause. Now, it does not matter if you are married, dating, or living together. This article has three parts that will help you stand back from your situation and really understand what’s going on.
Part 1 – Why You Broke Up
If your ex has decided to end your relationship, it is probably because he or she feels misunderstood.
Before you decide this article is completely hokey and click on something else, just hear me out.
Feeling misunderstood encompasses many different things. Maybe they feel like you don’t listen to them or that you ignore their feelings. It could be that they had dreams that got swept under the rug due to responsibility and life in general. Their bad childhood could be haunting them and coloring all their decisions.
Something could be lurking in their past that they have never even told you about. It is possible to be with a person for years and still not really KNOW THEM.
It could be that you actually do understand them and they just don’t know it because you have not vocalized it or failed to show it. And sometimes there is just plain miscommunication. Men and women are from different planets, you know?
Every person on this planet wants to feel understood and connected to another person. Don’t you?
So here is ONE of many typical scenarios for some couples. The guy or girl goes out and spends way too much money on one or more frivolous things and then their partner gets really upset. An argument follows in which both participants get really loud and angry. The end result is lots of hurt feelings and a wedge is driven between them. After a period of years, the gulf between them grows and grows until it engulfs all the love that was once there – until the day comes that one of them wakes up and decides to leave.
So what could be done differently? If your partner is an over spender, sit down and ask them why they feel the need to purchase their happiness. What need is it fulfilling? Then really LISTEN to the response. Do not belittle their feelings and try to put yourself in their shoes as much as possible. You might not understand their motives, but that’s okay.
You want to show that you are on their side – you are not the enemy. That will open up a whole new set of possibilities for your relationship.
Now, the one thing I must stress here is this: DO NOT be a doormat for your partner. This is extremely important. Many people want to sympathize with any and everything their ex partner wants in order to get them back. THAT IS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU WILL EVER MAKE!
Do not beg them to come back and do not agree to conditions that are bad for you personally. I know a girl who agreed to let her husband see his girlfriend on the side if he would just come home! I don’t have to tell you how bad that situation would be for everyone involved.
This brings me to the other thing : R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Can you hear me singing the song? Lol
People will treat you the way you demand to be treated. Do not allow your ex to walk all over you. Now, I know your main objective here is to get your ex to come back (or take you back) but you have to set limitations on what is acceptable and what is not. He or she will be more attracted to a confident person who sets boundaries.
We all know couples who have split only to get back together when one of them went out and got a new life. That person was suddenly more attractive when they rode off into the sunset without the other partner, right?
So here’s the plain truth. If you chase after your ex begging them to take you back, then you just look desperate. You want just the opposite of that. There is something about a person you have to pursue just a little bit that drives both men and women crazy. And you can’t give them a chance to pursue YOU if you are busy chasing THEM!
You have to demand respect, AND you have to give respect. Now, if infidelity is the reason for your break up, I realize it might be difficult get and/or give respect at this point. However, it will be impossible to have a healthy relationship without it.
Part 3 – Your Plan
So let’s put it all together now. If you are reading this article, then your ex is probably already gone, so we need to do some damage control. And contrary to what you probably think, you can actually pull your ex back without actually doing any pulling.
Explain to your ex that you want to get some things off your chest and you want to tell them some things they don’t know. That hook will almost ALWAYS get their curiosity up, so they will usually want to meet with you. It is best to do this face to face.
Next, you want examine how you really feel about things that led to the break up. Then write these things down as concisely as possible. When you meet with your ex, read it to them. Now, you do not want to write pages upon pages and read it all to them. That just turns into rambling and complaining. Short and to the point is what you are aiming for. They will probably open up to you as well.
This may be the most honest conversation you have had up to this point. Then, DON’T try to reconcile on the spot. Say your peace, then leave. Let them think about it for a while. Chances are that in a few days they will contact you in some form.
- Show sympathy, caring, and respect for your ex while still keeping them at a healthy distance.
- Get on with your life and don’t chase after your ex
- Let him or her pursue you (and don’t be TOO easy to catch).
Now, I know this sounds counter intuitive when your objective is to get them back. You will want to run straight into their arms at the first sign of possible reconciliation. Trust me, this is a huge mistake!
This is actually THE biggest mistake most people make during the reconciliation process. If you jump back into the relationship too quickly, then you will most likely not fix all the issues and things will probably return to the same cycle as before.
If they want to initiate reconciliation, explain that you could start by dating again and see how it goes.
Remember, if you are reading this article it means that what you have been doing up to this point has not worked. So what do you have to lose? So go get your love back. For more precise ways to pull your ex back, please visit The Magic of Making Up. This practical plan has the specific steps you need to turn things in your direction. It plays on human nature and works amazingly.
There are also two great resources by Michael Webb (of Oprah Winfrey fame) that are specific to men or women.
Getting Her Back For Good shows you specifically how to woo your wife or girlfriend back to you.
Getting Him Back is designed just for women who want to repair the relationship with their husband or boyfriend.
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Thanks a bunch!
by Angela Christian Pope aka Angela Monahan @ ModernRelationship.org