Rekindle Your Marriage With These Tips
Ready to rekindle your marriage but clueless about what to do? Between jobs, mortgage payments, and kids – well, it can suck the life out of you. What usually suffers is the relationship between husband and wife. Sometimes you literally have nothing left to give each other at the end of the day.
This is especially sad because if it weren’t for the two of you getting together in the beginning, this life would not even exist! Don’t be disheartened because you are not alone. Like so many other couples, you are in this together – and you can make it through this together.
I know a couple who waited years into their marriage before having children. The first child was bliss for them. The second one found them extremely tired but still happy about their little family. A few years into parenthood had taken such a toll on their marriage that a possible divorce seemed to loom in the horizon.
Now, this was no ordinary couple. They were known in their circle of friends as being the quintessential couple. You know, that sticky sweet couple that spends all their time together and can’t keep their hands off each other – the ones that make everyone else sick to their stomachs. Yes, those people. I am happy to say that a good therapist did wonders for them and they are now back on the right track.
The lesson is this: Life will get in the way of your marriage if you let it.
If you want to rekindle your marriage, you must have a plan.
You can’t go back in time and change everything that’s going on today. You can’t make the mortgage disappear or the children be unborn. However, you can be proactive rather than reactive. This means you must plan ahead to get time and attention from your spouse. I know this does not sound romantic and spontaneous, but it allows you the opportunity to create time for those things.
So here’s a list of things to get you started down the right path:
1. Set Aside 20 Minutes Each Day
I know this doesn’t sound like much, but if you think about it chances are it’s more quality time than you spend together now. The objective here is to go for quality rather than quantity. Set aside 20 minutes each day without distractions when you can really talk about your day and catch up on things. This could be when you first walk through the door or possibly after the kids go to bed, but make sure it is the same time EVERY day. This will establish this practice as a habit in your life which you will be more likely to continue over time.
During this time you need to turn off the television, computer, phones, etc. Have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and really enjoy the time together. Guys, if some of you are thinking this sounds sappy, just think about the alternative of spending you nights in a cold bed alone. That should help you get motivated.
2. Schedule Regular Date Nights
All couples need a date night from time to time. You may think, “But we go out all the time” but do you make a real date out of it? Do you get all fixed up and focus all your attention on each other? Turn off the phones (or at least turn them down if your kids are with a sitter)? Even couples without children need this. You can’t rekindle your marriage if you never have any romantic time together.
If you are showing your complete devotion to your children by never leaving them for a date night, then you are doing them a huge disservice. They are happy when you are happy as a couple. It makes them feel safe and secure. If your marriage is in trouble, they can always feel it. So if you want them to be happy, then you need to work on a happy marriage by spending quality time with your spouse. If you neglect your marriage, then you will either be living in a miserable situation or be divorced. Neither of these are good options for your children.
If you cannot afford a sitter and have no family to help out, then trade out time with another couple who has kids. Your kids will love that because they get a built in play date out of it.
Whether you have children or not, you should schedule a date night at least once each month (twice is even better).
3. Get the Kids On a Schedule
This cannot be stressed enough. Kids suck the life out of us because they create more work for us. They do not pull their weight in the household. If you think about generations past, the kids always had more chores and were more disciplined.
So here’s where to start. If your kids do not have an established bedtime ritual, establish one now. They need to do the same things every night to get their mindset ready for bed. Then put them to bed the same time every night. Now, here’s the kink in that plan for some people. Many couples I know have children who sleep in their bed with them. This is so bad for your marriage that I cannot even begin to explain all the reasons why. I realize it is easier to let the kids sleep with you when you are tired, but you will get more rest in the long run if you take the time to work through this issue now.
Buy them new bedding for a bribe if you need to. Redecorate their whole room. Set up a reward system. Do anything that works for your child.
Also, every child needs age appropriate chores. A chart may be helpful for both you and your child to keep up with progress. You can reward them when it is filled up. Make sure they pick up all their belongings before bed EVERY night. This not only makes your life easier, but it also establishes good life-long habits for your child.
Basically, if you are drop dead tired at the end of every day and you children are still bouncing off the walls with energy, then you are doing something wrong. You need to tap some of their energy.
These three things will rekindle your marriage if you implement them into your daily life. If your marriage is in trouble and you need immediate help, please visit The Magic of Making Up.
If your relationship just needs a little spice, this resource from Michael Webb (the Oprah Winfrey love expert) will provide all the help you need.