Want To Save Your Relationship?
Relationships can be very difficult to read sometimes. It is common to be involved in a relationship that feels great to you, then learning that the other person is not so happy. This usually results in a breakup. There are many different actions that a person can take when this happens. The best choice is to take control of the situation. You have more control at this point than you might think. A few simple steps can make a huge difference in your future happiness.
Step 1 – Do not argue if the other person wants to break up.
This will get you absolutely nowhere and usually does not stop the other person from breaking up with you. As a matter of fact, it usually makes them want to break up with you even more. The reason for this is simple: you look desperate.
Step 2 – Do not be a doormat.
Independence is an extremely attractive trait in another person. If the other person wants to break up, then make it clear that you will not longer be available for them. If you make the mistake of letting the other person come over any time they want to, then you are being passive by allowing them to decide if and when they will see you. Make it clear that a break up will mean loss of access to you.
You may save your relationship simply by withdrawing your support. Don’t give them anything physically or emotionally if they have withdrawn those things from you. This is not being selfish. It’s simply keeping your dignity and self respect. (And they will respect you for it.)
Step 3 – Set clear boundaries.
This ties into step 2. People want what they cannot have. Sometimes they have “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. By limiting the other person’s contact with you and not appearing to pine away your life thinking about them, you are sending a powerful message. You suddenly seem independent and interesting. You know how children actually feel safer when they have boundaries? Same thing applies here. You mate will feel better about you if have clearly established boundaries. They do not want a person who will put up with anything they dish out.
Step 4 – Do not sit at home waiting.
Let the other person see that you are planning to continue your life with or without them. Sometimes just realizing that the other person will not wither up and die without them is enough to jolt some people back to their senses. They often return to their loved one on the spot. In the meantime you need to fill your life with people and things that you enjoy. Go to a movie, engage in church activities, have friends over for dinner, etc. Maybe you can save your relationship, but it’s more important to save yourself (figuratively speaking).
Step 5 – Be prepared to move on.
Some things are just not meant to be. If you outwardly appear that you can manage without the other person, then you can trick your mind into believing that you really can go on without them. Be prepared in case you really do not get back together. If you follow the steps above, you will already be off to a great start for your new life if things do not work out.
Now is a great time to examine your relationship and make sure it is healthy. Make sure it is something worth saving. If it needs some fixing, then find a counselor or other professional to intervene. If you are in an abusive relationship, then do not continue on this path. The keyword here is “healthy”. You want to be in a healthy relationship and be healthy yourself both emotionally and mentally. For more steps to help fix your relationship The Magic of Making Up is a wonderful resource and gives step-by-step instructions.
There is a video that gives you the “opening move” or the first step you should take after an unwanted breakup (don’t worry if you are already past this stage, there are instructions for that too in the plan). The guy on this video is a little corny, but he gets results.