You Can Stop Your Divorce
Your Spouse Wants a Divorce But You Want To Stop Your Divorce…..
You probably feel desperate right now and don’t know what to do. You feel physically sick, your nerves are shot, you can’t sleep, and no one can do anything to stop the inevitable. Your whole life is falling apart right before your eyes. I know how you feel – I have been there.
It feels like nothing will help the situation. But you must remember that sometimes people couples do bounce back from the brink of divorce. In fact, some couples actually remarry after divorce. So here are some tips to get you headed in the right direction.
Don’t Be Clingy or Come On Too Strong
You don’t want a sappy, crying person following you around begging and pleading about everything. Neither does your spouse. If they want a divorce, then they probably feel like they want some space right now. I know this feels counterproductive to you when your main goal is to get close to them again, but trust me. Give them some breathing room. Your will never stop your divorce by smothering them.
Find Out Exactly Why He/She Wants the Divorce
Have you set down and REALLY talked about the problems? I mean REALLY talked about it? Here’s the best thing you can do. Tell your spouse that you want to hear everything they have to say about your relationship and that you will listen without saying a word while they tell you about it.
Then stick to what you said. Listen without interrupting and stating your case for as long as they want to talk. Put duct tape over your mouth if you have to (I’m not joking here). Tell him or her they can remove the duct tape when they are finished and ready to hear your response. This gives them lots of control of the situation, which might be what they need at this time – to be heard and have some control of their situation.
Use the 10/10 List
I love the 10/10 list. Each of you should take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side of the paper write 10 things you love about your spouse and have them do the same. Then on the right side write 10 things you don’t like about him or her. You will be amazed at each other’s answers! This opens the gate for real communication and healing. (Be sure to share the positive things before the negative ones!)
This is probably the most important step. Make sure to apologize for any and every thing you have done that was wrong or that your spouse might perceive as wrong. Remember, the point here is get your spouse back and save your marriage, not prove who is right and who is wrong. So tell him/her that you are sorry if ANY of your actions have caused them pain or any kind.
Show Him/Her That You Are Sincere
This sounds simple enough, but don’t overlook this step when trying to fix your marriage. Call him/her when you say you will. When you get the chance to meet with him/her be sure to show up on time. Do not be late.
For example, don’t tell your spouse that you love and need them, while dating someone else. If they are your top priority, then you need to only see them. Quite often people have a “backup plan” that includes another person of interest in case their spouse will not take them back. This is a HUGE mistake! They will never take you back unless they feel you are sincere.
Don’t let your love get away – give them reasons to want to stay with you. Stop your divorce.