January 2012 Newsletter (What Attracts You To a Mate & Unsexy Thoughts)

What Do Men and Women Find Attractive In a Mate?

Some people are attracted to rock hard abs, others to a stable home life, and still others to a hefty bank account. But strictly physically speaking, what attracts most people to a prospective mate?

According to “The Look of Love” in the October 2011 edition of Psychology Today, p. 27, men and women generally have a totally different take on attractiveness. Researchers at the University of British Columbia looked at three socially relevant facial expressions: pride, shame, and happiness. These were chosen because they appear to be closely related to how we feel about ourselves.

When male subjects rated photos of women, they generally found pictures depicting happiness to have the highest scores. Since men are more often the pursuers in relationships, a bright smile seemed to say, “I”m available and I like you.” This strongly reduces the level of potential rejection for the male, as well as stop possible fights with rivals over a females who may not even be interested.

On the other hand, females who rated pictures of male faces usually picked pride to be the most alluring look. The stance of pride usually included chins that were lifted up and chests that were protruding. Pride generally indicates a high level of success and social status, both traits that are valuable to a female who wants to raise children with a mate (and needs protection for that growing family and herself).

Overall, it seems our primitive thought processes are still alive and kicking, even in this modern world.

On a Side Note…..              

Multiple studies (and practical trial and error) have proved that gratitude is the biggest key to happiness. People who practice being as grateful as possible for as many things as possible are almost always the happiest people in life.It makes sense when you think about it because you are always making your glass half full, instead of half empty. The best thing about it, is that gratitude has a cumulative effect. The more you practice it, the more is grows (exponentially).So how does this apply to your relationship?Well, think about it. If you are grateful for your mate, then your feelings of happiness toward them will increase. This will lead you thinking about them more, do more things for them, acting more loving toward them, etc.

And it is human nature for most people to notice this change and reciprocate. So when you think about it, being grateful for your mate leads to more love and attention for you!

It’s a win/win situation for both of you.

To get started with this gratitude thing, start by printing this Gratitude Sheet and posting it somewhere prominent in your home. (The fridge is always a good spot.) Instructions are included on the sheet.

It’s free. It’s simple. And it will change your relationship (and your life).


A Penney For Your Thoughts?            

While we are talking about the differences between the sexes, let’s talk about the bedroom.

Now, stop that blushing. We aren’t’t going THERE!

Thought processes – that’s what we are going to talk about.

According to the article “Sexual Distraction” by Casey Gueren, also in the October 2011 edition of Psychology Today, p. 39, the thoughts of men and women in the bedroom are not as different as you might think.

Chris Watson, who co-authored a study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that both men and women have minds that wander during intimate contact in the bedroom. In fact, the same types of thoughts flip through their minds randomly. Some are emotional, some are just about everyday things.

Role Reversal or Leveling the Playing Field?

For years it has been commonly thought that women have many more body concerns, which can hinder the experience for them. However, this now seems that men are closing the gap. Although women are still more prone to engage in these thoughts, in today’s modern society, men commonly have the same concerns. This can be partly attributed to the increased emphasis on grooming for men.

And  while men are becoming more aware of  their physique in bed, they are still the kings of something called “spectatoring” , which means “stepping outside your body to judge your own performance”.

With new societal expectations that women have more performance skills in the bedroom as well, it seems the gender gap is dissolving in the bedroom as in other areas of our lives.

Good or bad? It depends. In some ways good, some ways bad, in my opinion. It was good that the door swung in our favor years ago, but I don’t really want it to swing TOO far.

I enjoy being a girl and my husband being a guy. I don’t want us to be just alike.

How boring would that be?

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Thanks a bunch!

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org

Be a Lover, Not a Fighter

Be A Lover Not A Fighter

Be A Lover, Not A Fighter

With this new year already started, you probably have a long list of resolutions (I know I do). Most people include things like lose weight, drink more water, get organized, etc. Those are all lofty goals, but how about your personal life?

Now, before you think I am going all Oprah on you……please hear me out.

Interpersonal relationships are usually where we get the biggest chunk of our happiness and life satisfaction. Of course, this starts with your significant other but also extends to family and friends. If you are one of those people who doesn’t like to talk about your feelings (or even think about them) don’t worry. This will be painless.

Here are a few small steps that can help you in all situations:

1. Treat Others the Way You Want To Be Treated.
Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but how many people actually use it? This basically translates as: Be nice. If you don’t have anything positive to say, just keep your trap shut.

2. Think Before You Speak.
Count to ten if you have to, but don’t let your temper get the best of you. I have several family members who make my head want to explode because they are just plain mean (and constantly trying to bait someone into a argument), so trust me, I understand. Avoidance has worked great for me for many years now. I simply choose not to spend time with those people. Which brings me to the next point…

3. Avoid Negative People Who Make You Feel Bad.
I realize you can’t always avoid everyone who falls into this category, but you can at least limit the time spent with them. This includes complainers, fault finders, naysayers, criticizers, etc. Don’t let them ruin your life or the way you feel about yourself. They only have power over you if you give it to them.

4. Don’t Take Things Personally.
This will disarm EVERY situation for you. When the cashier at a store is rude to me, I simply think “I wonder what made her day so bad?” and it turns the situation around for me. This also works with family and friends. When someone bites your head off, instead of biting theirs back ask “What’s wrong?” or “What happened today?” and watch them melt into a different person.

5. Be Grateful.
Start everyday thinking (or writing down) at least ten things you are grateful for. Then include at least two people in your life (past or present) that you are truly grateful for. If you want to take it to the next level, tell someone that you are grateful for them. It will make their day and yours as well.

There you have it. These small changes will add up, and by this time next year you can have a totally different outlook on life.

So be a lover, not a fighter.

Lovers get more love, right?

Want Specific Tactics To Improve Your Relationship With Your Significant Other? Check out this resource from renowned author Michael Webb (As Seen On The Oprah Winfrey Show) 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships.

If this article has helped you in any way, please help a girl out and click the “LIKE” button below or share it with a friend!

You can also click “LIKE” on the sidebar and get new posts from this site on Facebook.

Thanks a bunch!

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org