Advice For My Best Friend

advice for my best friend

Quick – What’s the best free thing in the world that most people usually refuse to accept? That’s right, it’s good advice. We have all been there. Heck, sometimes we ignore our own selves when it comes to good advice. Since I absorb every self help and motivational book, video, and podcast I can find, I decided to set down a list of things I would tell my best friend – and then follow that list myself. Feel free to come along.

Do Something Today That Your Future Self Will Thank You For

I have not been able to trace down the author of that quote, but it is quite powerful. Every single day of your life, do something that will bring you more knowledge, improve your skills, move you towards a goal, etc. If you do a little bit each and every day, that effort will begin to add up in your life and bring you a happier and more fruitful future.

This could also be thought of as planting a seed each day. Take that cooking class. Open that business you are passionate about. Learn to code a new computer program. Go on that vacation with your family or your best friend. Spend that extra time with your loved ones. You are essentially investing in a happier you.

Start Saving and Investing Today

Compound interest is your friend. And who doesn’t want to earn interest on their interest? The earlier you get started saving and investing, the more independence and freedom you will have in life. While money doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness,  the freedom and independence it provides actually does. Saving and investing money can be confusing and, therefore, scary. The best way is to automate the funds to go to various places so you never miss the money from your paycheck. Here are some good ways to get started:

If you have access to a retirement plan at work, utilize it now. If not, start an IRA. Then increase the amount you contribute to it every year. You will never miss the increases if you automate the deductions, and you will be building an impressive net worth. (Be sure to use an experienced financial planner or do your own homework before allocating those funds.)

Open an online savings account and set money to automatically transfer to it each month. (We opened up a Marcus online account and have been happily stashing money in it every month for a while now. We are saving money every month with absolutely no effort on our part.)

If you would like to go further, index funds are recommended by virtually all investment gurus. The Vanguard 500 Index is generally considered a good investment because it covers 500 of the biggest and best established companies around. It also has extremely low fees and can easily be bought through your own personal brokerage account. You can purchase EFTs one share at a time or you can buy directly into the fund for an investment of $3000 or more.  You can open a Vanguard account here. To learn more about the Vanguard 500 Index click here.

Be Who You Really Are

Remember: “If I want to be free, I’ve gotta be me.”

This quote was originally by Bill Gove, but is frequently repeated by Bob Proctor, who was one of his disciples. It reminds us to always live the most original version of us. Don’t settle for just okay in your life when you can be extraordinary instead. Never think about the things you can’t accomplish, but focus on what you CAN accomplish instead. Another famous man (Henry Ford) said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t – Either way you are right.”  Every day people accomplish things that were not possible, which tells me that almost anything is possible if you want it badly enough. Don’t stop growing and improving yourself every day.

Read Think and Grow Rich Every Year of Your Life

Most super successful people read as many books as possible each year. Some actually read a book each week. However, the quality of  each book matters. Think and Grow Rich has become the bible of success for many people around the world because is has proved its worth over the decades since it was first published.

There are many other classic books out there to help you along your journey. I personally like anything by John Assaraf or Bob Proctor. You can also find tons of videos by them and many others on YouTube that are inspirational and life changing.

Forgive Everyone for Everything

We humans are a grudge holding bunch. Secretly, we love to revel in the terrible things that bad people do to us. Only, there’s really no such thing as a “bad person” but only bad things done by imperfect humans. You have already heard the spiel about forgiving others so you can feel better yourself. Forgiveness is for you, not them. That is completely true. But the best and most unselfish thing to do is forgive them for both of you. We are all in this together, so sometimes you have to forgive others for being human. While you are at it, extend that same courtesy to yourself.

You Don’t Need To Be Perfect

Sometimes it is easier to forgive others than ourselves. Mistakes happen to everyone and no one can ever be perfect everyday in every way. Enough said.

Live in the Present, Not the Past or the Future

This is also known as mindfulness and it has been one of my personal downfalls. It took me years to learn how to do this. I literally used to spend around 90 percent of my waking hours worrying about things in the past I couldn’t change or imagined things in the future that mostly never happened. It takes some time to retrain your brain, but you can learn to enjoy your present moment in life. And what a difference it makes!

Exercise and meditation are two of the best ways to accomplish mindfulness, as well as monitoring your thoughts and redirecting back to the present when your thoughts slip to the past or future.  Of course, you can always revisit the past and plan for the future sometimes, just don’t miss the beautiful moments of the life you are living today.

Begin and End Every Single Day with Gratitude

Science has shown that positive and negative thoughts cannot exist in the brain at the same time. It is literally not physically possible. This means every time you choose to have a positive thought you are literally blocking out a potentially negative thought. Think about how powerful that can be in your life. When you start each day with gratitude, you prime your mind to think about happy, positive things all day long.  Also, when you end your day with gratitude, you prime your unconscious mind for your hours of sleep. (Yes, we all know our unconscious mind keeps working even while we sleep.)

So pick three things to be grateful for when you wake up each morning and three different things when you go to bed. Writing these down in a journal is even better because you can revisit previous entries from time to time and celebrate the accumulation of good things in your life.

Exercise and Meditate Every Day

Your body needs more activity and your mind needs a break! That is true of the majority of the population anyway. When your body gets both of these things everyday (or at least most days) it balances both your body and your mind because you are feeding both exactly what they need. Stress will literally begin to melt away and your true self will begin to emerge. Your health will likely improve as well.

These articles about exercise and meditation from Harvard Health back it up.

It’s Okay to Be Successful and Happy

This one trips up a lot of people, including myself. We (I) sometimes feel like we have no right to want financial success and happiness in our lives when there’s so much poverty and misery in the world. That’s like saying some people are starving so I must starve too. That makes no sense. There must be entrepreneurs to help create jobs for others. There must be authors to inspire others. This world requires creators and developers to give the world joy and fill its needs. Without that, we would become stagnant.

The trick is to be as successful as possible, but be generous with what you have. That’s a win/win situation for everyone.

Set Detailed Goals and Write Them Down

There is a HUGE difference between “I want to retire early” and “I will retire at age 50 with a net worth of $1 million and $15,000 of monthly  income.” Science has proven that people who write down their goals and make them very specific are much more likely to achieve them. It also helps to read over your goals everyday and maybe even post them on your bathroom mirror.

Everyday is a  new opportunity to achieve something wonderful in your life, so don’t spend time on things unless they make you happy or get you closer to your goals.

Keep Your Eye On the Prize

Always remember what success looks like. Lots of money with no close relationships would be misery. So would being broke with lots of friends. Balance is what we all need in life, so make sure to pay attention to your health, wealth, and happiness at all times.

I have chosen this list as the most basic things to make the most of life. Feel free to add to it as needed.

You might also like: The Value of Fitting In (Or Not)

The Value of Fitting In (or Not)

The Value of Fitting In

Today I was in a school and saw some children interacting. It was immediately clear which students “fit in” and which ones did not. You could tell by the conversations and body language of the whole class that everyone there understood that as well.

This led me to think about the value of fitting in with others in our society. Most all of us work hard at this for the duration of our lives. It starts when we begin our schooling, or sometimes even before. It is safe to say that a large amount of our life energy is spent trying to attain the goal of acceptance, while fearing that any slight provocation or slip will result in all that hard work going down the drain.

Why do we invest so much of ourselves into fitting in? I believe it is mostly fear.

No one wants be feel left out in life. So we fear not having friends, or a network of support when something goes wrong in our lives. We also want to know that others approve of us and our way of life. The need to belong to a group or a family is so strong that sometimes we swallow our principles and allow ourselves to be put in positions that are uncomfortable.

But what would happen if we allowed ourselves to just be?

What if there was never an agenda to any interaction we had had with anyone? Could life just unfold in a more peaceful, relaxed way? Maybe everyday could be more pleasant if we didn’t expend so much energy trying to force things to unfold in certain ways.

Because in the end, does it really make that much difference? I would wager that being a completely genuine person who is confident would gain us all more acceptance than any amount of extra effort could ever could. Who isn’t attracted to the company of a smiling, pleasant person? And in essence, isn’t that really who we all strive to be anyway?

So I challenge you (as well as myself) to become that person as this year unfolds.

Forget trying to impress anyone or sell yourself to anyone. Just be your normal, awesome self and see what happens.

You might also like Let Go of the Need To Be Perfect.

Let Go of the Need To Be Perfect

Let Go of the Need To Be Perfect

I have a confession to make.

I am a perfectionist.

Let me clarify – I feel like all things around me need to be perfect all the time. Or at least I did.

As the only child of a mother who cleaned everything with a toothbrush, I learned the way to happiness is for everything to be perfect. And by perfect I mean clean, well organized, and well…..perfect.

The two of us saw eye to eye on this lifestyle choice. Floors were always clean. Drawers were organized. The frig was always wiped down, inside and out.

Then my father would come home.

He should have had a mug that read “World’s Biggest Slob”.

My dad was the king of misplaced items, disorganization, and borderline hoarding. He was also happy with his lifestyle choice.

I listened to years of arguments over cabinet doors being left open (my mom often hit her head on them) and dirty clothes being left in the floor.

So what is the point here?

Mainly this: Life CANNOT be perfect.

That’s just how it is.

The universe was not designed to be perfect. It was designed to be functional and productive and beautiful.

And so are we. Let me say that in a straightforward way. We were designed to be functional and productive and beautiful.

Not perfect.

Minimalism can bring you a little closer to perfection in life, but never quite on target. Because we were never meant to be that.

And some of us live years (or our whole lives) trying to attain perfection in our lives in all ways while thinking we will be happy when we get there.

But the fact is we will NEVER GET THERE.

I had to tell myself that, just like I am telling you right now.

So tonight when my husband helps with dinner but doesn’t clean up behind himself, and my kids unpack their backpacks on the kitchen table and leave a stray item there when it’s time to eat, and my dogs dig in the yard before pouncing across my white duvet – I will choose to appreciate that I have a husband and kids and dogs instead of sweating the small stuff.

After all, my life will never be perfect, but it will always be happy. Because I choose for it to be so. And I find perfection in that alone.

The Shift (How To Have a Simpler Life)

The Shift

The Shift (How To Have a Simpler Life)

The Shift you need in your life could be just around the corner. All this talk about tiny houses, minimalism, and decluttering our lives is making an impact of many people these days.

Obviously, you are one of those people or you probably wouldn’t be reading this post.

This morning I was talking with a friend and she was relating how difficult it was to keep a full time “regular” job and still have a life. She also said she didn’t plan to work until she was age 65.

How can you blame her?

I know I don’t. Who wants to toil away their best years and only begin to enjoy themselves near the end of their life?

I am not the first person to say the American Dream is a lie. For years we have been fed the misguided advice that says the more items we accumulate, the happier we will be.  More stuff DOES NOT make you happier. It just makes you busier. And more stressed. And angry. And tired.

That sounds more like a nightmare.

Quality Versus Quantity

So what is The Shift?

This is the point in your life where you decide to change your way of thinking about what’s important. It is usually a shift away from ambition and competition with others. In most cases people decide that everyday quality of life is more important than having a large quantity of stuff. A joyful life is more important that material possessions or social status.

That’s basically it in a nutshell. However, when you start down this road you will discover that it reaches into each and every aspect of your life.

For example:

  1. Instead of trying to be a social butterfly, you might decide to concentrate on a few truly meaningful friendships with a tight circle of friends.
  2. You might decide that having three pairs of beautiful quality boots is better than 50 pairs and not ever being able to find the pair you are looking for.
  3. You might opt to buy a less expensive vehicle (with less payment, insurance, maintenance cost, etc.) so you can work part time instead of full time. Thus, having more personal time to enjoy life.
  4. You decide that free time to reflect and unwind are better than 3 hours of television at night.

How Far Must I Take The Shift To Be Happy?

This depends on each individual. I have seen people literally become “homeless” and be happy about it (but not homeless in the way you are probably thinking).  There are also people who love living in tiny houses or carrying all their possessions in a backpack.

That’s a bit extreme for me, but it certainly works for some people.

You can take The Shift to whatever level you are comfortable with. That’s the beauty of it. Take it to the point of happiness, then stop.

It’s really just that simple.

The high motivational Wayne Dyer has a book and video that make it easy to understand and get started.

I recently bought this box set at McKay’s, which is a used media store near where I live. My husband actually got into this DVD as much as I did. I have been exposing both of us to various aspects of creating a simpler life and he is starting to come over to my way of thinking. He is a true man’s man, so if he can get into this – anyone can.

Here are many more resources by Wayne Dyer on Amazon.

Happiness is a State of Mind, Not a Destination

happiness is a state of mind, not a destinationThe Big Decision

Everyday we wake up and make a big decision.

Before our feet ever hit the floor, we must decide whether we will be happy or unhappy for the day.

Now, some people will automatically think that is an oversimplified statement, but really it’s not. Think about it. Everyone knows that one person who is always happy, no matter what. And often that person is not rich and does not have a perfect life. (At the time of this writing there is a documentary on Netflix called “Happy” which highlights this and I highly recommend watching it.)

You see, we often look to outside circumstances and other people to provide our happiness. We may not realize that, but we do. True happiness comes from within ourselves. It is a state of mind – a state of being. If you are a truly happy person, then things that happen around you generally don’t change that.

Make the choice right now to be happy and don’t let anything change that decision.

Stop Waiting for Happiness To Happen

One day a few years ago, I was talking to my father about some life issues when he said, “Angela, if you don’t stop that you will wish your whole life away.”

Wow! What an insight!

He was right. I was always living for the next weekend or vacation. I thought I would be happy when I got a new car, then when it was paid off. Or when I paid off a different bill or accomplished  something at work. There was always that one thing that I needed in order to be happy. I had been postponing my happiness for years without really realizing it.

I didn’t really grasp the concept that I could be happy while life was unfolding. It didn’t have to wait for anything. It was as easy as making a one second decision.

All those reasons I was using to not be happy were nothing more than excuses.

The Easiest Way To Happiness

The #1 way to get happy and stay happy is practicing gratitude each and every day.

Those who practice it religiously will tell you that emphatically.  When you start every day thinking about the abundance in your life, it is virtually impossible to feel unhappy. Also, your mind cannot think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. It is completely impossible. So while you are thinking off all the things you are thankful for in your life, you are literally pushing all the negative thoughts away.

For example, I begin each day saying “thank you” for everything I can think of.  As I get out of bed, take a shower, brush my teeth, etc. Then I also go back to that exercise throughout the day. Sometimes I do that when I eat, or if I encounter a negative situation or person. It immediately puts me back into a happy state of mind.

Most people have better lives than they think because they focus on the negative things instead of the positive ones. Once you start to focus on the good things, then your life will begin to feel more abundant. You will literally feel a shift in your life.

Say it in your head, say it out loud, or even keep a gratitude journal so you can look back at all your blessings over time. Just start today.

Steps To Happiness Everyday

  1. Decide to be happy when you wake each morning.
  2. Decide to be happy right this minute and stop using excuses not to be.
  3. Use gratitude throughout every day to remind you of your wonderful life.

It’s that simple! Start your happiness journey right now!