Have you ever decided to buy an item on Amazon but then became frozen by the total number of choices out there – and left the site without buying anything?
Me too. In fact, I have done this countless times. Who can pick from 150 different white curtains? Or 300 different toothbrushes?
Life is full of choices – good and bad, big and small.
Scientists say we literally make thousands of decisions every day, even though many of them are unconscious. But if we had to consciously think through each and every one of those decisions, we would be exhausted all the time.
This is why our brains make lots of unconscious decisions for us. It saves brain energy and keeps us from being overwhelmed every minute of every day.
And while having choices in life is a good thing, I would make the argument that too many choices can be a bad thing – just as having no choices can also be bad.
You see, the key to almost everything is life is moderation. See The Key To (Almost) Everything in Life: Practicing Moderation here.
Things were not always this way. In the book The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz makes the point that our grandparents were not faced with quite the barrage of choices that we face. For example, if their washing machine stopped working and they needed a new one, they simply went down to their local store and picked from the two or three models available. Then they took it home and didn’t give that choice another thought.
It is common today for shoppers to do hours, days, even weeks of research before purchasing a new appliance. And even that does not guarantee that buyer’s remorse will not follow the purchase. The fear of missing out, or FOBO, is often joked about but is also a real thing.
What if I had bought the model that was self-cleaning? And what if the third review was right and this model has plastic gears that will wear out?
Regret is a powerful thing, and in our world of perpetual data and reviews we might never figure out which item is truly the best. That sets us up for the uncertainty that leads to the regret.
I bought the audio version of The Paradox of Choice and listened to it all the way through in my car while traveling. Then I started at the beginning and listened to the whole thing again.
After this, I came to understand many of the reasons why I was so stressed and impatient. My brain was simply working too hard to sort out the choices in my life.
We are all fairly smart when it comes to self care these days. Like everyone else, I read and research the latest information on how to be aware and happy. I know to cut off the electronics. I only engage social media in the pursuit of passing on useful information. I get quiet time and meditation into my schedule almost daily.
I but I never knew I needed to put a wall between myself and so many decisions.
Before you ask, yes, this can be done. First, just being aware that so many choices are out there (and stressing you) can help you get a handle on the situation.
Second, put as many things on autopilot as possible. For example, many people have a rotating dinner menu. They simply repeat the same recipes in the same order, and occasionally add in a new one for variety. Also, many people make their own “uniform” for work by purchasing multiples of the same shirt and pants and wearing the same outfit every day.
Third, limit the amount of time you search for an item you want to buy. At the end of that time, make a decision based on the information you have at that point.
Fourth, make a commitment not to expend energy on making unimportant decisions.
Fifth, dedicate a few minutes each day to meditation. You can start slow with two or three minutes and work your way up 10 or 20. Some people incorporate even more each day. You can find the sweet spot that works for you.
Life can be so much simpler than we make it. This is a great place to start.
Moderation is a word that get a bad rap these days. Overindulgence is heavily flaunted in the media and also on social sites. It looks like so much fun to go all out on everything in life that extreme behaviors have become the new normal. Almost no one even thinks they are abnormal anymore.
But doesn’t it get tiring trying to carry EVERYTHING to the extreme?!?
There is another way.
The word “moderation” might not sound exciting or glamorous, but it will carry you a long way in life. Engaging in some behavior, but not TOO much – works in many areas of our lives: eating, sleeping, exercising, etc.
It also works with possessions. Every person needs SOME stuff, but TOO MUCH stuff becomes overwhelming. (Hoarders is a show that both fascinates and scares me.)
But I have found the principle of moderation to work in (almost) every facet of life. Spending versus saving money, following your passion versus earning a high income, and hours working versus hours relaxing – more great examples. You must practice moderation in each of these categories lest you become too extreme in one area or the other.
I’m sure everyone reading this can come up with multiple more examples. The point is this: it is so easy to go along with everyone else around you. For example, you work too much because everyone else does, and also you feel it is expected of you.
Or maybe you spend too much or overextend your credit because you want your children to have the same vacation or Christmas as all their friends.
Stop and take a breath.
We have more control over our lives than we sometimes realize. When you decide to live intentionally you exercise your right be who you really want to be. You don’t really have to live your life in extreme debt, extreme stress, or extreme tiredness.
Decide to mindfully practice moderation in all (or most) aspects of your life and it will simplify your decisions – both big and small.
Your Christmas decorations don’t have to be bigger and better than everyone else on your block. Remember, moderation. Put up the decorations that make you happy instead. Then stop.
You don’t have to coordinate every office party at work. Decide to do one each year and delegate the rest with a sign up sheet. It is even possible to do too much for others. See The Benefits of Serving Others.
There are literally hundreds of ways most people can make their lives better with moderation. Along with the principle of moderation comes the ability to say “no”. Sometimes that means saying it to yourself. Sometimes it means saying to others.
Try mindfully using moderation for just one week and watch what happens. You won’t be disappointed.
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By now most people have been exposed to the Law of Attraction and have some idea of how that works. However, there is a key to writing precise affirmations that will catapult your success.
Gratitude is a definite part of a successful life (see The Power of Gratitude In Your Life) along with visualization, goal setting, meditation, forgiveness, etc. However, what I want to talk about here is a specific and significant way that you write your affirmations.
Why are affirmations important?
Our subconscious mind holds our deepest beliefs about ourselves and others, and also holds concepts that are deeply ingrained in us. Sometimes this can restrain us from achieving our goals. Affirmations are our way of retraining our minds to eliminate bad beliefs and replace those with good ones.
If we believe we won’t succeed, then we won’t. It’s as simple as that. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” And he knew a little something about success. Attitudes and beliefs are literally the biggest influences on success.
To retrain your subconscious beliefs you want to write down statements that are positive and read those to yourself several times each day. For example, if you have social anxiety you might write “I am completely relaxed and comfortable in any social setting.” If you tell yourself that enough you will begin to believe it because your subconscious has no opinion on anything and will believe anything you tell it with enough repetition.
But here is the caveat to that. Anyone can look at their life and write down a nice list of affirmations that will benefit their life and well-being. I did that myself several years ago. But after a long time of doing this I realized that I was not changing some core beliefs in my life. That’s when I came up with this exercise.
- Decide where you want more success.
- Determine what beliefs are keeping you from that success.
- Dig deep and find where those beliefs came from (an event or person).
- Write a specific affirmation for each.
- Read those affirmations several times each day.
For example, I determined that I was not reaching some of my career goals. Then I dug deep and realized I didn’t believe I could reach higher goals because of a past experience early in my career. You see, when I graduated from college years before, I was unable to get a job that I wanted where I lived. Moving somewhere else was not an option, and those jobs simply didn’t exist around me. Because of that, I took a string of jobs that I didn’t want and felt like a failure. That set the stage for me to believe that I would never truly succeed in my career.
After I figured all of this out, it was easy to write the following affirmation: “I can get any job I want making any amount of money I want.”
Over time, this affirmation convinced my subconscious mind that it was true. It was that easy. However, it took time and dedication. This is not something that you can do once. Nor can you do it once per week. It must be done every day, several times per day until you see real results. But it is easy, free, and works every time if done correctly and consistently.
I actually took this a step further. I downloaded a program called Mind of Winner. It allows you to choose from a list of subliminal messages or create your own, then flashes these words or phrases onto your computer screen a fraction of a second. This works in the background while you are doing other things on your computer.
You can also make a recording of your own voice reciting your affirmations or pay companies to make customized recordings for you.
The best practice is to deliver these messages to your brain as many times per day as possible, in as many ways as possible.
Happiness to all! (more…)
Opportunity is an interesting word. Some see it as a happy thing, while others feel nothing but fear when the word is mentioned. This is because it can evoke the thought of doing something different or stepping outside our comfort zone.
We have all had opportunities come into our lives but then slip away (or go to someone else) while we stalled in our decision to act on them. Maybe we have an incredible idea for a book, but see a similar title published the next year after we neglect the urge to write it ourselves. Or maybe we have an idea to streamline productivity at the office only to see another employ get promoted for implementing the same idea three months later because we refused to speak up.
I know my own father created several tools to help him around the house that later showed up at big box retailers after someone else had the same ideas and took the time to patent them. (We could all be rich now, Dad!)
What is it about opportunity that paralyzes us sometimes? This can differ from person to person, of course, but there are a few common causes. Some of us may suffer from all of these issues, but even one is enough to hinder us from fulfilling our potential.
Let’s look at some of them:
- Fear of Failure
It is fair to say this has dominated most of mankind since the beginning of time. Luckily, some individuals have managed to overcome this fear or we wouldn’t have many things we now consider necessities, such as electricity, running water, modern medicine, the Internet, etc.
I would offer here that the only thing scarier than failure is knowing that you never tried. Earl Nightingale said, ” Most people tiptoe their way through life, hoping they make it safely to death.”
I can’t think of a sadder way for us to live our lives.
2. Fear of Embarrassment
This is tied closely to fear of failure. After all, this is why failure is so bad, right? Everyone will know.
But I have noticed something about successful people. They have all had failures. Every single one of them. The difference between them and us is they never seem to care what anyone thinks or says about their failures. They are so busy moving on to the next opportunity that they seem to be completely unfazed.
Their thoughts are always on the opportunities and successes of tomorrow, not dwelling on the failures and mishaps of yesterday.
3. Fear of Success
Yes, this is definitely a thing. And I believe there are three components that frequently play into this.
- Fear of the responsibility that comes with success
- Fear of being disliked for being successful
- Fear of losing success
Let’s start with the first one, fear of responsibility that comes with success. If you are the first person in your family or circle of friends to reach real levels of success, then you might fear that your loved ones will ask you for money or favors. If you spread your money around too much, then you will soon have no money yourself.
This can be easily sidestepped by planning ahead.
First of all, keep your financial information to yourself. People are less likely to ask for money if they don’t know your exact financial situation. Second, when someone asks for money, offer instead to teach them to make their own money.
Next, there’s the fear of being disliked. Guilt can also tie into this one. Being successful is a wonderful thing and you should never let other people’s jealously hold you back. Neither should you feel guilty for living up to your potential. It is not your fault if those around you chose not to live up to theirs.
Opportunities come to all of us in life. Every person must decide what to do with them.
Last, there is fear of losing success. This is more common than one might think. Which is worse: never having success OR having it and then losing it? Neither. Both are bad. So remove that fear from your thoughts now and it will never be an issue.
Success is your friend. Don’t overthink it and turn it into something stressful.
Go live your best life. (more…)
The power we have over our own lives is monumental, even though it doesn’t always feel that way.
Humans are intelligent beings with big brains that can either help or hinder us, depending on how we use them. Everything depends on our attitudes and thoughts.
One element that has been present in abundance for EVERY highly successful person I know is gratitude. Let me explain….
If you have mostly positive thoughts and attitudes, then you will have positive, happy lives. If you need evidence of that being true, just look around you at the happy people you know. People often assume that in order for a person to be happy they must first have happy circumstances in their lives. However, I am a firm believer that it often works the other way around.
When we make the decision to be happy no matter what, then good and abundant things come to us.
Why does this happen?
There are several reasons why. Here are just a few:
- We take the pressure off ourselves so we finally relax.
- Happiness leads to confidence and positivity, which draws other people to us.
- When people are drawn to us, they want to help us.
- All of this leads to us reaching our goals in life, which leads to even more happiness.
It’s all that simple. There is no magic to it.
Practice gratitude for everything in your life on a daily basis. Write down five to 10 things you are thankful for every evening before bed. Or say these things out loud in the shower each morning. Do this multiple times each day if possible. Like most other things, gratitude is a habit that can be developed over time with practice.
I have a sheet that I recommend for both individuals and couples that will help you develop the habit of feeling grateful everyday.
It was originally developed for couples who wanted to be more appreciative of each other. However, you can use it to show gratitude for anything, not just your significant other.
I recommend using this sheet daily for 30 days to begin to see a difference in your overall joy. It can be used for one month or one year. It all depends on you.
😃 Download 30 Days of Gratitude Sheet Here 😃
By using gratitude you will actively eliminate negative thoughts because there simply isn’t any room for them in your brain.
In fact, I use this as an avoidance system. Any time I begin to have a negative thought, I consciously direct my thoughts to something I am grateful for. This redirects my thoughts and feelings EVERY SINGLE TIME.
This WILL work for you. Try it!
Each person has their own special vibration. It is the essence of you and everything that you are, so it can be negative, positive or somewhere in between.
Happy people generally have a positive vibration, and unhappy people have a more negative vibration. So obviously we should all strive to be on the positive side of things. However, that is not always as easy as it sounds, right?
Our happiness and health both depend on our ability to stay positive. There are several things that can affect us negatively. Here are a few of them:
- Reading too much news
- Watching negative movies or television shows
- Interacting too much on social media
However, one of the worst ones for me is dealing with negative people. It is difficult to stay in your positive mindset when people around you are constantly complaining about the weather, illnesses, politics, their spouses, their unruly children etc.
Now, the most obvious thing to do here is to avoid any person who is bringing negativity into your life. But we all know there are some people and some situations that cannot be avoided. Sometimes it is a coworker or a family member, for instance.
If fact, I have a family member who constantly complains about how awful it is to get older, how retirement is terrible, how miserable their health is, and generally how life is not worth living.
And I talk to this person almost daily.
Let me tell you, I find myself dreading the interactions because it always brings down my good mood. But I have learned a few things to help me cope with it.
LImit the Interactions
I allow myself one interaction with this person per day. This means that if they call me a second time on the same day, then I don’t answer the phone and call them back the next day. I also don’t speak with them on the phone if I have physically seen them that day.
Set a Time Limit
This person loves to drone on and on about the same problems everyday. They also like to revisit the same issues repeatedly in the same conversation. I have made it a habit to allow only so much time for this. For phone calls I will talk to them for no more than 20 minutes. For visits I limit the time to an hour and a half.
State Your Positive Purpose
I recently told this family member that I had decided to have a positive outlook and only say positive things. They readily agreed that was a good thing and stopped asking me to agree with their most recent negative statement. So far, I have had to remind them of this choice every time we have talked since, but they still respect it when I point it out.
Learn to Redirect
A negative person will always return to saying negative things. That must be some universal law or something. So inevitably, I must direct the family member back to being positive. One of their favorite sayings is, “If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. You know it?” My response to that is always, “I’m only saying positive things, remember?” I simply refuse to agree to any negative statements. Then I point out some positive things about the person’s life.
So far, this has worked. It has also helped direct our conversations in an overall better direction, because after that interaction, the family member doesn’t want to appear to be the “negative one” so they find lighter and happier things to talk about.
Now, I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t always work with everyone. I have another family member who never seems to cooperate with this strategy, so I just limit the interactions with them and go on about my day.
I’m sure there are other ways to deal with negative people, but these are the strategies that work for me. Never let anyone else (and anything else) affect your positive outlook. Protect your vibration and you protect your whole existence. This is part of How To Be Happy In Every Area of Your Life.