Are We Too Politically Correct? (a.k.a. Where’s the Duct Tape When You Need It?)

are we too politically correctI realize this question is a hot button, but hear me out.

Many things have contributed to the mess we have today such as politics, the media, popular culture, the internet, changing demographics, and a general shift in society, just to name a few.  However, I believe the biggest culprit is social media. Everyone seems to have an opinion on wheat everyone else is saying or doing. People criticize the thoughts and actions of complete strangers.

Then others applaud them for doing so.

People will say things on social media that they would never say to someone’s face. I have seen some celebrities crucified for some off the most mundane things. I’m talking about things like what they wore and what they fed their children. How is that anyone else’s business? Would those people like for someone to come to their homes and tell them what to wear and what to feed their children?

It just doesn’t make sense.

We are obviously to involved in the intimate details of others people’s lives.

I believe that a great deal of the problem is that children are no longer raised with basic manners. Shows like Bad Girls (and other reality shows) glamorize bad behavior and promote the idea that being selfish and mean will bring big rewards in life. This has become so prevalent in our culture that it is the new “normal” for societal behavior. And all it does is make those production companies rich and break down our society.

Then the media often picks up on the story and slams the person even further. This is also done for ratings to make them money. The media should be there to inform us of what’s going on, not to take sides, and certainly not to make news where there really is none. Some media outlets are shameless in the stories they report as “news”.

So really, we are giving

This is supposedly the land of the free, but more and more it is becoming the land of the censored since no one is allowed to share anything or have an opinion about anything without being publicly attacked.

It sometimes make you wonder why people want to be on social media at all, and many of us actually don’t. According to Marketing Dive, 34 percent of Gen Zers are leaving social media permanently. I don’t see how that could be a bad thing.

Am I saying that all social media is bad? Not at all. But I think people can easily get carried away in a tidal wave ill will without realizing they are part of the problem, not the solution.

So lets make a pact to only say positive things and act in positive ways from now until the end of the year. Hopefully, it will become a new, wonderful habit.

The old saying, “If you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all” still stands. We should all embrace it.

 

Communication In Relationships

Commication In RelationshipsCommunication makes the world go round. (You probably thought it was sex or money, right?) But think about it. These things couldn’t be obtained or used without some form of communication. And communication definitely makes your relationship go round, or not go round, depending on how things are for you right now.

Communication in relationships can be a tricky thing. You may have one thing coming out of your mouth, but a completely different message may be oozing from your body language and facial expressions.This is the main reason why you must speak to your partner when you are calm. Any hostile expression or movement on your part will result in defensiveness from your partner. This includes his or her perception of hostility….even if you didn’t mean it that way.

What to do if you are angry…..

1. Sit down and lean back comfortably in your seat.

Resist the urge to scoot up on the edge of your chair and lean forward. This reflects calmness on your part, which will usually promote calmness in your partner.

2. Fold you hands loosely in your lap.

This keeps you from pointing and gesturing in ways that might escalate the situation. It also gives you something to focus on (the act of keeping your hands still) and that will help NOT get angry.

3. Speak slowly in an even tone without getting too loud.

Nobody likes to be yelled at, right? And when you speak slowly it allows to better choose your words, which keeps you from blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

3. When all else fails, revert back to my favorite stand by – write a letter.

This is self explanatory. Put it down on paper so you can’t get too upset and your partner get tune you out.

4. Try a little empathy for the other person’s side of things.

Really put yourself in their shoes for just a moment and see how things look for him or her. You might just see that some of your actions look different to your partner than what you intended.

I always knew my mother could have gotten a better reaction out of my father with a little more empathy (and plain kindness), but after I received a degree in psychology I saw things even more clearly. Disagreements are not always bad. They can be opportunities to understand your partner better. In fact, they can be a chance to grow even closer when you learn to work out your issues with kindness. It all depends on your attitude (and your partner’s attitude) going into the disagreement.

What to do if you don’t feel like your partner is listening…..

1. Get his or her attention in any way possible.

If you have tried everything imaginable and you are not getting any “real” attention when you try to have a conversation with your partner, then try this: 30 Days of Gratitude. I prescribe this for lots of different issues because it works. Just click here to see how this completely free little technique can turn things around for you. (And, guys, don’t blow this off before you try it. Your girl will LOVE IT!)

2. Now that you have their attention really surprise them by inviting them to talk first.

Yes, you read that right. Once they have the opportunity to speak their mind first and you listen sympathetically, then they will be more willing to return the favor when it’s your turn to talk (it’s a little bit of subtle reverse psychology without them knowing it). You might begin by saying something like, “Tell me some things you like about our relationship and some things that you don’t especially like?” This is a very open ended question that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” so it gives a wide range of possibilities for the conversation. And, ladies, if you are trying to dig information out of your guy you are not making them talk about their “feelings” exactly, which can sometimes send men into lock down mode. (Notice I didn’t say “how do you feel about our relationship”? Small nuances like that are important.)

3. Be nice.

That one is really simple. If you ever get them started really listening to you, don’t use it as time to list every fault they have. Pick and issue that is bothering you, then tell them about it. Let’s say you are always asking your husband to help with the laundry and it turns into an argument almost every time. Start by saying something like, “What do you think we could to change our situation with the laundry?” First off all, you are asking to discuss the solution, not the problem. You don’t sound like you are cruising for an an argument. You are neutral and looking for peaceful solutions. At this point be ready to listen to any and all suggestions. Make it easy for him to talk to you. Remember to stay calm and have calm body language and facial expressions. Be might be surprised as to how well this can work.  When you work out a system that you both want to try, be sure to hug and kiss him and thank him for working out something for you both to try. Do it with a smile. This gratitude will make him want to work out the next problem in a similar manner because he will want the happy solution at the end.

Communication in relationships is NOT the scary thing that people think it is! Courtesy, manners, and plain kindness will get you a long way.

Remember, always love like there’s no tomorrow!

See you next time!

Compromise In Relationships: Do You Have a Companionate Marriage?

Compromise in Relationships

Do you have a companionate marriage?

No, I didn’t mean to write “compassionate”.

This is a term that means both partners share all tasks within the marriage equally. No one’s career is more important, and nothing is the sole responsibility of either person.

Sounds nice, huh? This is the modern couple at it’s best, you might say.

However, no matter how hard people try to maintain such a relationship, grievances still occur. After all, we are only human, right?

There is no right or wrong way to run your marriage. (Yes, I said “run” it. Because that’s what we do.) But compromise in relationships can only happen if both partners know exactly what to expect from each other.

If you are a woman who wants a companionate marriage, then you have to ask yourself if it’s in your contract. Not sure what I mean? Then read on…..

What Kind of Contract Do You Have With Your Partner?

“We don’t have a contract,” you say.

Well, I have to disagree with that. All marriages and/or relationships have an unwritten, often unspoken contract that you mutually agree to on a certain level.

Don’t believe me?

Let me give you an example. In the book When Smart People Fail
by Carole Hyatt and Linda Gottlieb, the authors explore the “contracts” people make when they are in love.

 According to them each contract has two components: economic and emotional.

This is their sample of a traditional contract:

Man:” I will earn a good living for us [economic contract] and be strong at all times for you [emotional contract].”

Woman: “I will not work outside the home [economic contract], and I will be the mother to your children and supportive of your needs [emotional contract].”

 

That one doesn’t work for you? How about this one?

 

Man: “I am an artist and cannot be looked to for money [economic contract]; I agree to be volatile and exciting [emotional contract].”

Woman: “I will earn the income in this family [economic contract], and I will be emotionally steady so that you can be volatile [emotional contract].”

 

There are as many types of relationship contracts as there are people, but some are based on an equal partnerships while others emphasis one partner as being dominant in either economic or emotional parts (or sometimes both).

However, this does not imply that both parties are necessarily happy with the arrangement. In fact, people often “agree” to situations that later feel quite unhappy for them.

Compromise In Relationships

According to the book, relationships can usually survive if one part of the contract is broken. However, if both parts are broken, then severe troubles usually erupt. In many cases this leads to divorce.

Therefore, it sometimes become necessary for a couple to renegotiate their contract. Time passes by, situations change and people change.

So let’s say that a couple has the traditional relationship contract. The man is the rock. He is the financial and emotional provider for his wife. Then suddenly he loses his job, and worse, can’t find a new one.

His wife will most likely support him and help him through this struggle. But let’s say the man goes a very long time without finding new employment and then his emotional state starts to crumble.

His wife is left looking at this shell of a man wondering, “Where is the rock I married? Where has my security gone?”

Once these feelings start to seep into a relationship, it can really undermine the way both people feel about their roles in the relationship.

His sense of failure in compounded when he feels like he is failing his wife and family. She, in turn, feels like lots of responsibilities are piling up on her that she didn’t sign up for.

The loss of a job is not the only thing that can send a relationship reeling. Anything stressful life event can bring on a situation that threatens your comfortable roles.

So it is important to sit down with your partner and discuss your implied contract BEFORE hardships come your way (and they ALWAYS come, sooner or later).

Compromise in relationships often comes from one or both partners deciding to be honest about being unhappy. If you partner comes to you with this information, don’t see it as a failure but rather an opportunity for growth.

Dig deep and really be honest about what is going on between the two of you. There is no wrong kind of contract. Whatever you both agree to is perfectly fine. The point is to know what to expect from each other and to make sure that both individuals are happy with their role.

The more prepared you are, the better you can weather any storm.

Companionate Marriage Versus Traditional Marriage

So which one is better? Neither. If you both like the more traditional model of marriage, then by all means go for it. In fact, traditional marriages where the wife stays home are becoming the latest thing these days. It is “hip” again.

There are also lots of variations of the “traditional” marriage. For example, my husband works and I stay home to take care of the kids and our home. However, I also happen to work online. With this arrangement I am able to always put our home life first, and my work comes second. We are able to do this because he sees our financial security as mainly his concern [economic contract]. And I see the needs of our family as mainly my concern [emotional contract].

It works for anyone in our family, and we are all happy. Your arrangement should make you happy, too. If your current situation is not what you want it to be, sit down and talk to your partner. Don’t know where to start?

There is a great resource called 1000 Questions For Couples. This inexpensive book digs really deep and touches all the areas that couples need to discuss. Here’s the best part. It’s more comprehensive than any other resource you will find on the internet (or in most book stores).

Find out what your partner truly values in you and in your relationship. And finally get your thoughts heard too. This is a crucial step to working out the best contract for you and your partner. If you sat down and discussed only one topic each day it would last you almost three years! (That’s cheap marriage counseling!)

I would really like to hear some feedback from couples who have put this resource to good use.

It’s time to fix lunch for my little one.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

If this article has helped you in any way, please help a girl out and click the “LIKE” button below or share it with a friend!

You can also click “LIKE” on the sidebar and get new posts from this site on Facebook.

Thanks a bunch!

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org

 

 

 

1000 Questions For Couples: How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

1000 Questions For Couples

1000 Questions For Couples

How Well Do You Know Your Partner? This is an ago old question that most individuals have asked themselves at some point in their lives. No matter what we like to think, your partner has thoughts and feelings that you know nothing about.

How would you like to open up the lines of communication and share EVERYTHING?

No matter how close your relationship happens to be, there is always room for improvement.

Your mate may have hopes and dreams that are hidden deep inside that you could never imagine. Maybe your partner doesn’t feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with you. And maybe you don’t feel comfortable sharing either. This does not make you a “bad” couple. It just means you are like the average couple out there.

First, let me be clear. This IS NOT a bad reflection on you. It is what it is. You can’t dig information out of a person if they don’t want to share it with you…..or can you?

Communication In Relationships

Most couples never get to know each other on the deep, intimate level that they could. People are afraid of being vulnerable. They are afraid of rejection. That is the bottom line.

There is often a feeling of, “I won’t share if you won’t share too.” This is completely understandable. And it’s human nature.

A person must be in a situation that feels safe and secure before they are willing to open up and divulge privileged information about themselves. If you want your partner to share with you, then you MUST create an environment that promotes that.

Not so long ago society seemed to pressure individuals to air all their thoughts and feelings to any and every one (Oprah, Phil Donahue, Sally Jesse Raphael, and now Dr. Phil). However, that medium of telling the world your deepest, darkest secrets has now been largely replaced by this new thing called the reality show.

But what do we see time after time? People air their deepest thoughts and feelings on television and are later crucified for their honesty.

The these that’s passed along to other people is: Don’t share it if you don’t have to.

Your partner, and maybe even you, have the same fears.

What if I tell this person everything I have inside and then:

a. They laugh at me

b. They don’t understand me

c. They later leave or divorce me and take that information with them

The Real Truth 1000 Questions For Couples

What people fail to realize is that if they actually SHARE everything, it greatly cuts the odds that the relationship will end.

Communication problems in relationships are one of the most common causes for divorce and break ups. (In my opinion, most every other problems stems from lack of communication in relationships.)

1000 Questions For Couples (renowned author Michael Webb of Oprah Winfrey show fame) is a comprehensive tool to bullet proof your relationship or marriage by utilizing love questions that dig deep and really allow you to know the person you love. Because the communication goes both ways, your partner will become more comfortable sharing their inner most thoughts because you will feel comfortable sharing as well.

Marriages and relationships CAN last for 50 years or more. Knowing each other on a very basic, intimate level is the key. You could search the internet for weeks and never put together a collection of questions to compare to this list.

Here are the topics the 1000 questions are divided into:

Personality, Feelings & Emotions
Favorites
Pets
Attractions
Health, Food & Well Being
Vacations
Morals, Convictions and Beliefs
Religion & Spiritual Matters
Car & Driver Holidays & Celebrations
Home & Home Life
Past & Future
Hobbies & Entertainment
Love, Romance & Date Nights
Friends & Family
Communication
Career and Education
Money
Relationships – Past & Present
Children & Child Rearing
Wedding & Honeymoon
Sex

1000 Questions For CouplesThis author of this book, an established author that has been featured by countless television shows and magazines, is now offering two free tools as bonuses to help you have the healthiest relationship of you life.

Follow this link to learn about the free bonuses you can download right now when you purchase 1000 Questions For Couples. This communication guide is not available in stores, so get your copy here.

In addition to the three bonuses Micheal Webb gives you when you purchase this ebook, I am also adding ANOTHER BONUS!

*******Click Here For 1000 Questions For Couples Bonus!*******

If this article has helped you in any way, please help a girl out and click the “LIKE” button below or share it with a friend!

You can also click “LIKE” on the sidebar and get new posts from this site on Facebook.

Thanks a bunch!

p.s. If you would like to get more free information to help you communicate with your partner, please visit WifeGuide.net or HusbandGuide.net.

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org

Be a Lover, Not a Fighter

Be A Lover Not A Fighter

Be A Lover, Not A Fighter

With this new year already started, you probably have a long list of resolutions (I know I do). Most people include things like lose weight, drink more water, get organized, etc. Those are all lofty goals, but how about your personal life?

Now, before you think I am going all Oprah on you……please hear me out.

Interpersonal relationships are usually where we get the biggest chunk of our happiness and life satisfaction. Of course, this starts with your significant other but also extends to family and friends. If you are one of those people who doesn’t like to talk about your feelings (or even think about them) don’t worry. This will be painless.

Here are a few small steps that can help you in all situations:

1. Treat Others the Way You Want To Be Treated.
Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but how many people actually use it? This basically translates as: Be nice. If you don’t have anything positive to say, just keep your trap shut.

2. Think Before You Speak.
Count to ten if you have to, but don’t let your temper get the best of you. I have several family members who make my head want to explode because they are just plain mean (and constantly trying to bait someone into a argument), so trust me, I understand. Avoidance has worked great for me for many years now. I simply choose not to spend time with those people. Which brings me to the next point…

3. Avoid Negative People Who Make You Feel Bad.
I realize you can’t always avoid everyone who falls into this category, but you can at least limit the time spent with them. This includes complainers, fault finders, naysayers, criticizers, etc. Don’t let them ruin your life or the way you feel about yourself. They only have power over you if you give it to them.

4. Don’t Take Things Personally.
This will disarm EVERY situation for you. When the cashier at a store is rude to me, I simply think “I wonder what made her day so bad?” and it turns the situation around for me. This also works with family and friends. When someone bites your head off, instead of biting theirs back ask “What’s wrong?” or “What happened today?” and watch them melt into a different person.

5. Be Grateful.
Start everyday thinking (or writing down) at least ten things you are grateful for. Then include at least two people in your life (past or present) that you are truly grateful for. If you want to take it to the next level, tell someone that you are grateful for them. It will make their day and yours as well.

There you have it. These small changes will add up, and by this time next year you can have a totally different outlook on life.

So be a lover, not a fighter.

Lovers get more love, right?

Want Specific Tactics To Improve Your Relationship With Your Significant Other? Check out this resource from renowned author Michael Webb (As Seen On The Oprah Winfrey Show) 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships.

If this article has helped you in any way, please help a girl out and click the “LIKE” button below or share it with a friend!

You can also click “LIKE” on the sidebar and get new posts from this site on Facebook.

Thanks a bunch!

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org