Communication makes the world go round. (You probably thought it was sex or money, right?) But think about it. These things couldn’t be obtained or used without some form of communication. And communication definitely makes your relationship go round, or not go round, depending on how things are for you right now.
Communication in relationships can be a tricky thing. You may have one thing coming out of your mouth, but a completely different message may be oozing from your body language and facial expressions.This is the main reason why you must speak to your partner when you are calm. Any hostile expression or movement on your part will result in defensiveness from your partner. This includes his or her perception of hostility….even if you didn’t mean it that way.
What to do if you are angry…..
1. Sit down and lean back comfortably in your seat.
Resist the urge to scoot up on the edge of your chair and lean forward. This reflects calmness on your part, which will usually promote calmness in your partner.
2. Fold you hands loosely in your lap.
This keeps you from pointing and gesturing in ways that might escalate the situation. It also gives you something to focus on (the act of keeping your hands still) and that will help NOT get angry.
3. Speak slowly in an even tone without getting too loud.
Nobody likes to be yelled at, right? And when you speak slowly it allows to better choose your words, which keeps you from blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.
3. When all else fails, revert back to my favorite stand by – write a letter.
This is self explanatory. Put it down on paper so you can’t get too upset and your partner get tune you out.
4. Try a little empathy for the other person’s side of things.
Really put yourself in their shoes for just a moment and see how things look for him or her. You might just see that some of your actions look different to your partner than what you intended.
I always knew my mother could have gotten a better reaction out of my father with a little more empathy (and plain kindness), but after I received a degree in psychology I saw things even more clearly. Disagreements are not always bad. They can be opportunities to understand your partner better. In fact, they can be a chance to grow even closer when you learn to work out your issues with kindness. It all depends on your attitude (and your partner’s attitude) going into the disagreement.
What to do if you don’t feel like your partner is listening…..
1. Get his or her attention in any way possible.
If you have tried everything imaginable and you are not getting any “real” attention when you try to have a conversation with your partner, then try this: 30 Days of Gratitude. I prescribe this for lots of different issues because it works. Just click here to see how this completely free little technique can turn things around for you. (And, guys, don’t blow this off before you try it. Your girl will LOVE IT!)
2. Now that you have their attention really surprise them by inviting them to talk first.
Yes, you read that right. Once they have the opportunity to speak their mind first and you listen sympathetically, then they will be more willing to return the favor when it’s your turn to talk (it’s a little bit of subtle reverse psychology without them knowing it). You might begin by saying something like, “Tell me some things you like about our relationship and some things that you don’t especially like?” This is a very open ended question that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” so it gives a wide range of possibilities for the conversation. And, ladies, if you are trying to dig information out of your guy you are not making them talk about their “feelings” exactly, which can sometimes send men into lock down mode. (Notice I didn’t say “how do you feel about our relationship”? Small nuances like that are important.)
3. Be nice.
That one is really simple. If you ever get them started really listening to you, don’t use it as time to list every fault they have. Pick and issue that is bothering you, then tell them about it. Let’s say you are always asking your husband to help with the laundry and it turns into an argument almost every time. Start by saying something like, “What do you think we could to change our situation with the laundry?” First off all, you are asking to discuss the solution, not the problem. You don’t sound like you are cruising for an an argument. You are neutral and looking for peaceful solutions. At this point be ready to listen to any and all suggestions. Make it easy for him to talk to you. Remember to stay calm and have calm body language and facial expressions. Be might be surprised as to how well this can work. When you work out a system that you both want to try, be sure to hug and kiss him and thank him for working out something for you both to try. Do it with a smile. This gratitude will make him want to work out the next problem in a similar manner because he will want the happy solution at the end.
Communication in relationships is NOT the scary thing that people think it is! Courtesy, manners, and plain kindness will get you a long way.
Remember, always love like there’s no tomorrow!
See you next time!