How To Stop Being Clingy?
Are you feeling like a piece of Saran Wrap snugly wrapped around your partner lately? You know you should back off and give them some breathing room, but you are so afraid they will drift away from you?
We all know that the quickest way to push people away is usually smothering them (figuratively speaking, of course).
If you want to learn how to stop being clingy, you have already taken the first step simply by realizing it.
I know that’s a cliche, but it’s true. Most people who are clingy or needy don’t even realize it. It’s not until their relationship has crumbled that they realize there was a problem (or that the problem was them).
Now, this other person obviously loves you or at least has some strong feelings for you since you are together, right?
So, this is how to stop being clingy. Oh, and by the way, this is NOT just a girl thing. You guys know how to wind up around a girl too!
First of All, Understand WHY You Are Being Clingy.
Most people who cling to those they love feel like they are not worthy of the person they are with, therefore, they believe their partner may eventually leave them for someone who is more deserving.
So at this point, you really want to examine your inner most feelings and consider if this the heart of your problem. Your self esteem affects how you feel about yourself, as well as how others perceive you as a person.
Being clingy makes you look weak.
Being clingy makes you FEEL weak.
What you want to do is (1) start feeling powerful again and (2) face the world for what it is.
We will address Number 1 in just a minute. But first we need to talk about Number 2.
How Do You Face the World For What It Is?
I’m glad you asked. These are taken from the classic book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.
First, you ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
Second, you decide what you can do about the problem.
Third, you pick a course of action and stick with that decision.
Fourth, you relax because you have done all that you can do.
I realize this sounds simplistic, but when you think about it…well, really, it is.
1. So, what’s the worst that can happen?
Well, in this case you could lose the relationship with the person you love, right?
Now, this would not physically maim or kill you. (Even though it might feel like it.) And you would eventually find someone else. (Although it doesn’t feel like it now.)
So, basically, life would go on (albeit in a difference manner than before).
I am not trying to be harsh, but rather stating the facts in a neutral way.
2. What can you do about it?
You can arrange things in a way that makes you optimally attractive to your mate. That means you must work on YOU. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Find ways to boost your self esteem.
An independent person is an attractive person. Period. An independent person has their own life with their own interests. They are always evolving and developing in new, exciting ways. They have choices in life, and they are with you because they CHOOSE to be. You want your partner to see you as being with them because you have a lot to offer, but you CHOOSE to be with them. You are not with them because you NEED to be. See the difference?
This will automatically make you more attractive to them. Trust me. It’s human nature.
With all this, you must learn to contribute as much to the relationship as you take out.
Think of a relationship as a bank. You make regular deposits so there’s always something there when you need to make a withdrawal, right?
A relationship is the same way. You put in love, caring, excitement, thoughtfulness, etc. into your relationship or “love bank” everyday. Then, when you have had a bad day or some tragedy strikes you, your partner is stocked up with love from you and ready to give some extra love back to you.
It’s the natural give and take of things in life.
But what happens if you are always taking, but never giving? Being clingy can easily put you into that warp because you need so much more from your partner than you are giving. If you want to stop being clingy, then this is a concept that you MUST grasp.
3. Pick a Plan of Action.
If you feel like you are not giving your equal part to your relationship, then there are immediate ways to make an impact starting today (and increase your own self esteem and self value at the same time).
1. Begin 30 Days of Gratitude
2. Read The Secret: The Power by Rhonda Byrne (It’s really short.)
3. Make a date for girls’/guys’ night out at least once a month.
4. Take up at least one new hobby.
5. Find a way to help others at least one time each month. (Like working at a homeless shelter or visiting a nursing home.)
6. Write down at least 10 things each day that you are grateful for.
If you do all these things, several things will happen to you:
You Will Get Your Own Life
You will be so busy that you won’t have time to be clingy. Not only will you have a new life, it will be an interesting life! Interesting people are always attractive to the opposite sex, so don’t be surprised if your partner suddenly finds you even more irresistible.
You Will Make New Friends
Having lots of friends (not acquaintances) has been shown to make people happier, extend their life span, and increase their overall quality of life. Who doesn’t want that?
You Will Feel More Thankful For EVERYTHING In Your Life
Number 2 and Number 6 in the list above are specifically listed to pump up your feelings of gratitude. Whenever you feel deep gratitude for things in your life, you automatically pull more good things to you.
Your Relationship Will Improve Because Your Life Has Improved
Any relationship is only as good as the two individuals who are participating in it. When you better yourself, you also better your relationship. Even if you need a major overhaul, it can totally be done. You just have to want to do it for yourself, not for anyone else.
At this point there’s nothing else you can do except continue to improve yourself. But you should be doing that even if you are not in a relationship. That just makes good sense for your overall development and well being.
Remember above when we said we would come back to Number 1, which was feeling “strong and powerful” about yourself? Well, if you do everything list above, then you WILL feel strong and powerful. You will be in control of your life and will make no apologies about it.
And either your partner will want you, or they won’t. But at least your relationship will have a fighting chance because it will be healthier.
If your relationship has already suffered a breakup and you need a plan to get your partner back, then these plans from Michael Webb (as seen on the Oprah Winfrey Show and other media outlets) will help you repair your relationship.
For further reading, check out these books from Amazon.
If you enjoyed this article, also read Clingy Signs – Why a Strong Partner Is MUCH More Attractive Than a Needy One.
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Thanks a bunch!
by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org