Compromise In Relationships: Do You Have a Companionate Marriage?

Compromise in Relationships

Do you have a companionate marriage?

No, I didn’t mean to write “compassionate”.

This is a term that means both partners share all tasks within the marriage equally. No one’s career is more important, and nothing is the sole responsibility of either person.

Sounds nice, huh? This is the modern couple at it’s best, you might say.

However, no matter how hard people try to maintain such a relationship, grievances still occur. After all, we are only human, right?

There is no right or wrong way to run your marriage. (Yes, I said “run” it. Because that’s what we do.) But compromise in relationships can only happen if both partners know exactly what to expect from each other.

If you are a woman who wants a companionate marriage, then you have to ask yourself if it’s in your contract. Not sure what I mean? Then read on…..

What Kind of Contract Do You Have With Your Partner?

“We don’t have a contract,” you say.

Well, I have to disagree with that. All marriages and/or relationships have an unwritten, often unspoken contract that you mutually agree to on a certain level.

Don’t believe me?

Let me give you an example. In the book When Smart People Fail
by Carole Hyatt and Linda Gottlieb, the authors explore the “contracts” people make when they are in love.

 According to them each contract has two components: economic and emotional.

This is their sample of a traditional contract:

Man:” I will earn a good living for us [economic contract] and be strong at all times for you [emotional contract].”

Woman: “I will not work outside the home [economic contract], and I will be the mother to your children and supportive of your needs [emotional contract].”

 

That one doesn’t work for you? How about this one?

 

Man: “I am an artist and cannot be looked to for money [economic contract]; I agree to be volatile and exciting [emotional contract].”

Woman: “I will earn the income in this family [economic contract], and I will be emotionally steady so that you can be volatile [emotional contract].”

 

There are as many types of relationship contracts as there are people, but some are based on an equal partnerships while others emphasis one partner as being dominant in either economic or emotional parts (or sometimes both).

However, this does not imply that both parties are necessarily happy with the arrangement. In fact, people often “agree” to situations that later feel quite unhappy for them.

Compromise In Relationships

According to the book, relationships can usually survive if one part of the contract is broken. However, if both parts are broken, then severe troubles usually erupt. In many cases this leads to divorce.

Therefore, it sometimes become necessary for a couple to renegotiate their contract. Time passes by, situations change and people change.

So let’s say that a couple has the traditional relationship contract. The man is the rock. He is the financial and emotional provider for his wife. Then suddenly he loses his job, and worse, can’t find a new one.

His wife will most likely support him and help him through this struggle. But let’s say the man goes a very long time without finding new employment and then his emotional state starts to crumble.

His wife is left looking at this shell of a man wondering, “Where is the rock I married? Where has my security gone?”

Once these feelings start to seep into a relationship, it can really undermine the way both people feel about their roles in the relationship.

His sense of failure in compounded when he feels like he is failing his wife and family. She, in turn, feels like lots of responsibilities are piling up on her that she didn’t sign up for.

The loss of a job is not the only thing that can send a relationship reeling. Anything stressful life event can bring on a situation that threatens your comfortable roles.

So it is important to sit down with your partner and discuss your implied contract BEFORE hardships come your way (and they ALWAYS come, sooner or later).

Compromise in relationships often comes from one or both partners deciding to be honest about being unhappy. If you partner comes to you with this information, don’t see it as a failure but rather an opportunity for growth.

Dig deep and really be honest about what is going on between the two of you. There is no wrong kind of contract. Whatever you both agree to is perfectly fine. The point is to know what to expect from each other and to make sure that both individuals are happy with their role.

The more prepared you are, the better you can weather any storm.

Companionate Marriage Versus Traditional Marriage

So which one is better? Neither. If you both like the more traditional model of marriage, then by all means go for it. In fact, traditional marriages where the wife stays home are becoming the latest thing these days. It is “hip” again.

There are also lots of variations of the “traditional” marriage. For example, my husband works and I stay home to take care of the kids and our home. However, I also happen to work online. With this arrangement I am able to always put our home life first, and my work comes second. We are able to do this because he sees our financial security as mainly his concern [economic contract]. And I see the needs of our family as mainly my concern [emotional contract].

It works for anyone in our family, and we are all happy. Your arrangement should make you happy, too. If your current situation is not what you want it to be, sit down and talk to your partner. Don’t know where to start?

There is a great resource called 1000 Questions For Couples. This inexpensive book digs really deep and touches all the areas that couples need to discuss. Here’s the best part. It’s more comprehensive than any other resource you will find on the internet (or in most book stores).

Find out what your partner truly values in you and in your relationship. And finally get your thoughts heard too. This is a crucial step to working out the best contract for you and your partner. If you sat down and discussed only one topic each day it would last you almost three years! (That’s cheap marriage counseling!)

I would really like to hear some feedback from couples who have put this resource to good use.

It’s time to fix lunch for my little one.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

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Thanks a bunch!

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org

 

 

 

1000 Questions For Couples: How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

1000 Questions For Couples

1000 Questions For Couples

How Well Do You Know Your Partner? This is an ago old question that most individuals have asked themselves at some point in their lives. No matter what we like to think, your partner has thoughts and feelings that you know nothing about.

How would you like to open up the lines of communication and share EVERYTHING?

No matter how close your relationship happens to be, there is always room for improvement.

Your mate may have hopes and dreams that are hidden deep inside that you could never imagine. Maybe your partner doesn’t feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with you. And maybe you don’t feel comfortable sharing either. This does not make you a “bad” couple. It just means you are like the average couple out there.

First, let me be clear. This IS NOT a bad reflection on you. It is what it is. You can’t dig information out of a person if they don’t want to share it with you…..or can you?

Communication In Relationships

Most couples never get to know each other on the deep, intimate level that they could. People are afraid of being vulnerable. They are afraid of rejection. That is the bottom line.

There is often a feeling of, “I won’t share if you won’t share too.” This is completely understandable. And it’s human nature.

A person must be in a situation that feels safe and secure before they are willing to open up and divulge privileged information about themselves. If you want your partner to share with you, then you MUST create an environment that promotes that.

Not so long ago society seemed to pressure individuals to air all their thoughts and feelings to any and every one (Oprah, Phil Donahue, Sally Jesse Raphael, and now Dr. Phil). However, that medium of telling the world your deepest, darkest secrets has now been largely replaced by this new thing called the reality show.

But what do we see time after time? People air their deepest thoughts and feelings on television and are later crucified for their honesty.

The these that’s passed along to other people is: Don’t share it if you don’t have to.

Your partner, and maybe even you, have the same fears.

What if I tell this person everything I have inside and then:

a. They laugh at me

b. They don’t understand me

c. They later leave or divorce me and take that information with them

The Real Truth 1000 Questions For Couples

What people fail to realize is that if they actually SHARE everything, it greatly cuts the odds that the relationship will end.

Communication problems in relationships are one of the most common causes for divorce and break ups. (In my opinion, most every other problems stems from lack of communication in relationships.)

1000 Questions For Couples (renowned author Michael Webb of Oprah Winfrey show fame) is a comprehensive tool to bullet proof your relationship or marriage by utilizing love questions that dig deep and really allow you to know the person you love. Because the communication goes both ways, your partner will become more comfortable sharing their inner most thoughts because you will feel comfortable sharing as well.

Marriages and relationships CAN last for 50 years or more. Knowing each other on a very basic, intimate level is the key. You could search the internet for weeks and never put together a collection of questions to compare to this list.

Here are the topics the 1000 questions are divided into:

Personality, Feelings & Emotions
Favorites
Pets
Attractions
Health, Food & Well Being
Vacations
Morals, Convictions and Beliefs
Religion & Spiritual Matters
Car & Driver Holidays & Celebrations
Home & Home Life
Past & Future
Hobbies & Entertainment
Love, Romance & Date Nights
Friends & Family
Communication
Career and Education
Money
Relationships – Past & Present
Children & Child Rearing
Wedding & Honeymoon
Sex

1000 Questions For CouplesThis author of this book, an established author that has been featured by countless television shows and magazines, is now offering two free tools as bonuses to help you have the healthiest relationship of you life.

Follow this link to learn about the free bonuses you can download right now when you purchase 1000 Questions For Couples. This communication guide is not available in stores, so get your copy here.

In addition to the three bonuses Micheal Webb gives you when you purchase this ebook, I am also adding ANOTHER BONUS!

*******Click Here For 1000 Questions For Couples Bonus!*******

If this article has helped you in any way, please help a girl out and click the “LIKE” button below or share it with a friend!

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Thanks a bunch!

p.s. If you would like to get more free information to help you communicate with your partner, please visit WifeGuide.net or HusbandGuide.net.

by Angela Christian Pope @ ModernRelationship.org